I'm actually upset because there is something I neglected to mention in the last post. I'll get to it quickly. When you initially go to the website, there is a slideshow of frames with a whole written marketing speech on them. Some donkey is reading each word of each frame. He says, "I promise this video won't go on forever." It lasted 10+ minutes. Liar. It was at this point that I should have realized what I was in for.
So let me point something out. In my last post I mentioned this "service" is an affordable purchase until this shady product bleeds my checking account dry. I'm sitting at my desk on Tuesday and I get a call from the Capital One Fraud Service. There were some suspicious charges on my statement! Look, there is no way to know for sure if AttractionFormula was the cause. However, consider that this is the only time, other than registering for Match.com, that I've ever signed up for something like this over the Internet. It has to be because of this stupid thing. I had charges from Zoosk (Zoosk! for Christ's sake) and OurTime.com. OurTime.com is a 40+ singles dating website. I'm sure I'd be a hit with the cougars, but I don't exactly qualify for that yet. Obviously, that charge is incorrect. There is something charged in Georgia and a hand full of small charges to Facebook. Janka poked me and my money!
I got it all taken are of. It wasn't very much money so I wasn't too concerned about it. Plus, kudos to the fraud service for calling me and blocking the card right away. Most of the pending charges were wiped out anyway, and I am currently waiting to recoup the rest of the cash. I'm only hoping that it is worth it for my craft. The things I'm willing to do, fearless readers.
Moving on, the middle of this book is where the magic happens. Janka really lays it out for the single men out there. It's impossible to know where to begin, but some highlights are these:
-Your cellphone is your lifeblood. It's like Tony Stark's radioactive heart. Without it, you're nothing. You need to store so many numbers, your head is going to spin. Oh and don't ever call, only text. Calling is for big losers living in the '90s.
-He claims that men need to own the interaction with the lady. Don't ever let them dictate to you what is going to happen. Pffft, who are they anyway? He doesn't believe women are capable of driving an interesting conversation. The last thing the man wants to do is give them power. By acquiescing to them, you have just torn up your man card and walked into a world of hurt, young buck. Get out your wallet and be prepared to buy her things. Get out the violins because you are no longer a man. Don't be their little puppet. As he so eloquently states:
"Only after they’ve demonstrated their value to me do I open my wallet, make time, show affection, etc.
I invite them to my home and those that comply get to know me; those that refuse get cut. It’s the only
way to interact with many women and not get dragged around."
-He advises me and others like me to stick to our routine. Don't go out of your way to impress a woman because then you can get stuck in a zone that isn't sexually charged, but instead you are becoming her pawn. Yada yada yada. Keep in mind everything he says is some variation of "giving in" and screwing up the situation. Bringing her into your world, your "reality", gives you a better sense of who she is and how this little rendezvous will go. Dude, let me tell you something. If I just stuck to my routine when spending time with an eligible bachelorette we'd go on an agonizing run and then watch 4 hours of TV while eating Hamburger Helper. I'm sure sticking to my routine is the way to rev their engine.
- The 11% Rule:"I fuck 11% of the girls whose number I get. I work hard and “number close” a hundred girls and I’m
rewarded with sex with eleven of them. By the way, the number seems to hold over a large sample size,
so my advice is get the numbers of the hottest girls you can, because it makes no difference: you’ll still
fuck 11% of them."
This seems pretty self-explanatory. I've never put a percentage on my conquests. I can tell you it's below 11%. This actually sounds like a really high number to me.
-Personal anecdote: "She was on her period, so it was a bloodbath." Ugh, how could I keep reading? I did anyway.
-He just added his 144th woman to his spreadsheet of sexual partners. He thinks it's more respectful than just completely forgetting about them. Okay, maybe so. How about the disrespect of just your everyday language, character, and sexual history?
-He compares women to fish. Something along the lines of when one is rancid, just toss it aside. I don't know exactly what it was. Frankly, I don't wish to find it in the text to reiterate it here. He also compares women to U.S. soil. Only if you've been inside her are you a U.S. citizen. That is to say, she is more receptive to you, has a rapport with you, etc. If you're not a U.S. citizen, immigration will come and take you away. I don't even really know what he was getting at here. It starts going political and I tune out.
-Penetration was a key point. Obviously in terms of SEX. What he means to say is one must penetrate her mind and her soul as well. You have to dig deep spiritually and externally if you want to know her carnally. Actually, this is the most poetic rhetoric he's used in the entire book so far.
-He analyzes his favorite surfaces for sex. Chairs, beds, hardwood floors with a rug. Each opens a new door. Each provides a new experience. You're about to go on the ride of your life. Or maybe she is. ZING!
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| The Liberator. No doubt a Janka two-thumbs up. |
-He uses the term "forfeited pussy." Which incidentally is the name of my next band.
-And just to sum up his whole diatribe on trying to get a woman to sleep with you:
"A dumb female will not gain my respect by withholding sex; she’ll become an idiot I can’t bang."
Wow. No objectification here.
Phew, a lot to digest there. That felt as complicated as a summation of an episode of Game of Thrones. He really tells the single men how to do it. I mean really. He also adds personal stories at this point of the book. I enjoy these immensely. I shake my head at the ease in which guys like this bed women. I also shake my head at just how they are as people. Everyone knows one or two people like this, but even the biggest dickheads I know don't employ all these Tenets of Douchebaggery.
Toward the end of this section (sextion!) he goes into the actual process of love-making and what should be going on if everything is going right. He goes into some gory details. He mentions levels of, ahem, "condensation" and the different manifestations there of. He mentions different ways to overtake her and get her hotter than a fajita plate at Don Pablo's. I have to be honest with you. It was kind of intriguing. Don't be gross, but I'm just saying, it does pique some interest. It was jazzin' me up a little bit. I guess I should just read 50 Shades of Grey now.
I have to admit that as I was reading this portion of the book, I started getting sucked in to his bullshit blathering. I was like "Well he does seem to have something here." He makes it seem like the way to go. Then I read "forfeited pussy" and I'm brought back to Earth. That's the problem for a consumer like me. I'm the perfect victim for these types of things. It starts pulling me in until something clicks and I snap out of it. Yeesh. I intend to finish this Pulitzer Prize-winning work of art next week. In the meantime, I hope that the one-time purchase is all taken care of and another reading of this e-book doesn't dwindle my funds anymore. So anyway, Where does Janka go from here? Only Janka knows.
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