Dating Habitats: The Gym

I’ve always thought it could be really interesting to write a book on gym culture.  There is no better extreme social environment than a health club.  There are a bunch of men working up a sweat trying to be an alpha male.  There are a bunch of women trying to wear less clothes than the woman next to her trying to release pheromones so men fawn all over them.  Endorphins kick in and it is on. Okay, maybe that’s not necessarily how it works, but it’s pretty close on the men’s side.  Obviously not everyone is Adonis or looks like Alessandra Ambrosio (yes, I will mention her whenever I can).  But those of us that are not can certainly appreciate the intricacies of unspoken interactions of the beautiful people. 

The question is, can you meet someone to date and/or begin a relationship with at the gym?  On the surface, you could say “Sure.  Why should the gym be different than anywhere else?”  I tend to fall on the other side of this.  How on Earth is that a good idea?  Imagine the awkwardness. 

I get the idea that people would want to bang other people at the gym.  Duh.  That’s the whole point of the damn place.  Everyone is trying to get hotter.  Outside of the elderly with a doctor’s note or legit athletes, gym members are going to get better looking.  Even if people go just once or twice a week or order large pizzas from the exercise bike so they can eat directly after their workout (ahem), they are trying to master the appearance of a workout warrior.  Everyone wants to prove that they are a pillar of the exercise community.  People that go frequently are easily recognizable.  Familiar faces are all over the gym.  They probably think they’re better than you simply because they work out more.  Maybe they are.  Anyway, sorry.  The point is everyone goes to the gym to get hot so that they can impress those they are with or those they wish to be on at a later time.  It’s like a meat market in there.  I always just assume that all the really fit people bang each other anyway.  They’re hot, they should bang.  They’re in shape, they will only bang in-shapers.  I’m clearly in touch with reality.

It’s the dating side that doesn’t make any sense, and only for one reason.  What if it doesn’t work out?  (Get it? Work out?) One of the two members has to switch gyms.  I don’t think I would want to walk in there everyday on pins and needles wondering if it’s the ex’s day to hit the body pump class.  That’s extremely awkward.  Also, it does not facilitate a quality lifting/cardio session.  You’ll be looking over your shoulder constantly wondering if the ex is there.  If you’re a member of a big corporate health club (i.e. Fitness First), changing clubs is not totally inconvenient.  There are clubs all over the area.   Still, you want to go to your home gym.  That’s my goddamn gym.  I’ve been a member since before she was even on my radar!  Nobody wants that kind of upheaval. 

I’m sure in the history of health clubs there are thousands of relationships that have started and carried on and had the stamina and Muscle Milk to create everlasting love.  It’s probably not entirely uncommon.  As someone who looks at the pessimistic endgame as well as all the bright side, I just think it’s worth noting that an intra-gym breakup would be a huge nightmare.  Not just for you and her or him.  But also for the gym friends you’ve made.  How will they choose sides?  What if they would rather go to spin class with Claudia than with you?  This, in turn, strains your human relationships outside of the gym as well as in.  See it’s just a whole big mess.

No, I’ve already got it in my head that the gym is not the place to talk to and to meet women.  They are all more athletic than me, in better shape, and wish to sleep with Biceps over there.  It’s okay.  I’m perfectly fine ogling fine ladies from afar…or up close.  Can we say yoga pants?

If you aren’t going to get with any of them, you can sure as hell watch.  That’s the gym.  There are mirrors everywhere.  It’s creeper central.  I happen to go to the family-friendly, cougar-town of gyms.  There are a few diamonds in the rough there, but generally speaking the suburbs is not the place for the best pick-of-the-litter.  Still, hotties always find their way to exercise equipment.  I make do.  I’m sure I’m not impressing anyone with what I do when I’m in there anyway.  Hell, people could assume I’m just there keeping up appearances.  But I would ask the ladies:  is this really the type of guy you want to date?