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The stratosphere of online dating is fascinating to me. It's almost as mind-boggling as physics, robotics, and the soft drink machines that know how much soda to pour into your cup automatically. There are all these people funneled onto an Internet site because they can't seem to meet a human face-to-face. Doesn't that sound stupid? Perhaps I'm cheapening the whole experience by describing it that way, but that is essentially what online dating is: finding someone electronically because human interaction feels like being stuck in a porta-potty in 100 degree heat with no hope for escape.
What is even more stunning is the amount of these dating websites that exist. You have eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, Zoosk (really?), OkCupid, and the almighty Match.com. There are even more than that, but I don't think they have any commercial value at all. Think about the numbers. Obviously, some people are profiled on multiple sites. But a lot aren't. You're tentacles reach farther the more sites you are on. Holy crap! There are this many single people in the area?! That are my age?! Whose contact info is just at my fingertips?! This is how any number of creepy, teen-thriller movies start.
I finally decided to cave and to join one of these vortexes of the heart, despite my skepticism. I signed up for Match only to realize that it's one of the few services that demands you pay if you really want to get the full use of the site. I could have chosen pretty much any other company and not paid. Pretty smart. Match just seems like the industry leader, so I went with the Ferrari as opposed to a Buick. (I'll have you know that as soon as I set up my profile my computer crashed. That had to be a really bad sign. My skepticism deepened.)
Ok, so what now? I set up my profile and I get to look at women's profiles. A lot of women. You can see who's viewed your profile. You can email someone back and forth. You can even wink at someone. Match is so high-brow it uses another form of the Facebook poke. Stay classy. The point is there is a number of ways to indicate interest. Everything is laid out for you. Ready to roll whenever you are.
That's the thing. Am I ready for this? Can I handle it? I question so many things. See, I live a life of fear and excuses. I realized after signing up for this that its just as scary to send a girl an email as it is to approach her in a bar. It shouldn't be, yet it feels that way. It doesn't end there. Some more questions:
-How many women do your reach out to at one time? One? Twelve? If they all agree to go out with me I could be like The Bachelor with women fawning all over me. What if none of them respond? Does that make me some sort of total loser? To the whiskey we go.
-What if they reach out to me and I don't like them? Do I tell them that? Do I not respond? Am I an asshole no matter what? So far, the only girls that have reached out to me are put together like Lena Dunham in "Girls". If you don't understand that reference, then pick a female from an episode of Hoarders. Look I appreciate these women reaching out. But I'm not very intrigued by the pickins. I haven't responded to any of them yet. Maybe I could approach it like a GM firing a coach: "Look I want to go in a different direction. It's not working." Too much pressure to be firm but diplomatic.
-If they've viewed my profile and I've viewed theirs, are we a match made in heaven? Probably not. They just probably liked the goods. As did I. It could be looked at as a launch point, but really it just makes me more nervous that they snuck a peek.
-Why is Match sending me 10's with model bikini pictures and marathon experience? I'm all for it, don't get me wrong. But at some point I think Match got carried away with my "workout 4-5 days a week" specification. Just because I work out five days a week does not mean I'm a ripped athlete with a severe T-shirt shortage. I'm just keeping extra weight from getting on at this point. I don't need every match to make me feel inadequate. In fact I'm looking for the opposite. There is a little variety sprinkled in, but you claim there are plenty of matches for me. Let's find some more appropriate ones.
Those are just a few of the things that run through my head. I haven't made any moves on the site yet, and I've been a member for about a month. I need to square some things away before I delve too deep into the vortex. If these are my initial thoughts in general imagine what it's going to be like when I breakdown the actual dating profile. It's gonna be like Jerry Maguire's mission statement up in here.
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