Why the long hiatus, Mr. L? (BTdubs, if I ever hear someone call me Mr. L before I'm a parent/homeowner/neighbor to children/45-year-old, I'm going to be upset). Let me put it like this: assume the best. I did not feel compelled to blog, so that must mean something positive. That is all I will say about it for now.
And why now? Well first of all the end of September was hectic as hectic can be, bleeding into an October with a miserable work deadline. Then I decided it was high time to move yet again! Seriously, at this point I think I could avoid the FBI since I move around so much. I'm only a mile down the road but in a good spot that seems to be a great fit. When you know who you live with, the transition is easier. Plus I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm using too much A/C or heat. Oh, and there's a microwave. So it works out well. Consider Matt and me the Swag Team Champions.
The bitch with moving is a) the moving and b) getting the logistics sorted out. One of those logistics is signing up for cable and internet. To answer your question, no it hadn't already been set up and yes I have to have it so that was one of the first orders of business. Since I don't have cable right now (won't come in for another week. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh) I am distraction-free and enthused to blog to my loyal and terrific audience.
But Dan, you may be asking, how can you blog if you don't have internet? Turns out we get to steal it from our wondrous neighbors next door. My computer remembers having already been here! Holy shit, it's like Lawnmower Man in this joint. So by the magical glory of discovery and innovation, I post to you today.
Okay, so after that long-winded, meaningless bullshit explanation about nothing, I will divulge what I have learned over the last month: facial hair is key. Nay, specifically beards and non-creepy facial hair. I started growing mine out for Reza's wedding, and at his ceremony I was only about a week in. It was quite pitiful. Still, I decided I had already started growing it, why not just keep going? Little did I expect, through the miserable itchiness that made me want to tear my face off and exchange it for John Travolta's, compliments about how it was "shaping up". Mind you, the first few compliments were from men. I always appreciate a good compliment from my broheims, but as I am one to pursue the ladies, it was really their approval I was seeking. The votes are in. The new, hairy Dan wins by a landslide. It only takes one to convince me I'm doing the right thing. Handfuls? Dozens? I'm wondering why I didn't do it sooner. All this time I've been crying about my approach and the things I say and blah blah blah. Turns out all I needed were a few whiskers. If you described me before you'd say things like "nice", "good guy", and "big". Now the words you are looking for are "rugged", "sexy", and "yummy".
If you have not seen me yet, I will allow for a surprise when you do. No picture will be posted here. I have exactly one dissenter to date on the new look. She is a 70+ year-old client of ours that does not like facial hair none too much. It's okay though. I'm gonna chalk that up to her being old school. The point is that women love a good beard. Perhaps it's an indicator of true manliness, which I try to prove - mainly to myself - I possess everyday. Maybe it's just sexy, plain and simple. I can't explain it, and I can't say that I'll wear it forever. But that's the beauty of it. I could always grow it again if I wanted to. The universe can't hold me back. Oh yeah, and there's only like two or three grey hairs. So I might even look younger with it! Bonus. Party. Look its not perfect. I totally wish it could grow equally on all sides and connect with the mustache part. Let's not split hairs, though. (get it???????)
With so many men wearing beards and goatees you wouldn't think it would matter how I wear my face. I've never had one before though. People aren't used to me wearing it. I'm noticeable. Isn't this what the Pick-Up Artist meant when he described "peacocking"? Genius.
No comments:
Post a Comment