How to Be a Pick-Up Artist?

I did another bachelor's weekend last week.  Yes another one.  Can you even keep up with me?  Phew.  I would have written about it last night, but there was a seasoning opening football game with a lot of hype surrounding it that had to be watched.  Or, as I like to call it, a giant waste of time.  No matter.  I am here to present a "pick-up" scenario that surfaced last weekend.

This is literally the mountain we explored.

To start, you should know we were in the mountains of West Virginia where the towns have maybe 600 people residing in them.  There are six of us beefy metropolitan boys invading this quaint community.  Five of us had piercings and tattoos.  Five of us were in a band.  (Hint: clearly I am the odd man out).  We even had minorities among us, which to these people was like seeing a centaur walking down the middle of the street.  We were truly a motley crew.  The townspeople stared at us like we didn't have eyes in our sockets.  Conversely, people also loved talking to our little crew.  As out-of-towners who look different, we were sort of a novelty act.  It made it sort of fun.  All in all, everyone was really kind and accommodating.

Anyway, so we are at a bar that had once been a gas station.  It's pretty much the only late night establishment open in this town called Thomas.  We hang there for a while.  The crowd starts to pick up as the hours pass.  The most beautiful part was that the drinks were all under five dollars.  It was like I had died and gone to heaven.  At that point, you're being begged to drink until you can't see.

One of my buddies, the betrothed, had brought in his pocket a handful of caramels.  He handed me one and said "Go offer this to a lady" or something like that.  It was at a point in the night where my brain was no longer active.  I naturally proceed to drop this candy on the ground.  But still people saw that he had candy and asked if they could have some.  People we didn't know.  It begs the question:  Is a pocketful of candy (besides being a great name for a music album) a strong icebreaker?

Normally when you think of someone giving someone they don't know candy from their pocket, it's a mustachioed pedophile coercing a young child into his windowless van.  In this small town, it seemed to strike a chord with normal members of society.  Think about it.  You have a talking point.  It's interactive.  You engage the other person directly.  It actually sounds like a viable option.  If you take this method into D.C. you might have a different experience.  These people might just be small-town cheerful and accepting.  City girls might have you arrested.  I don't foresee myself going out to a bar with a pocket full of Reese's cups just to generate a conversation with a lady.  Maybe I should and see what happens!

Honestly, I think this option is better than a lot of pick-up methods.  Pick-up lines are clearly Loserville USA.  They are funny though, aren't they?  Buy a girl a drink and she chats with you for one minute and then walks away with a free beverage, which in turn is less money you have in your pocket.  It certainly seems better than the bullshit they were feeding people on VH1's reality show "The Pick-Up Artist".  Just walk up to a group of women and ask them what line a movie is from?  Give me a break.  First of all, I would be disingenuous because knowing movie lines is like riding a bike for me.  I'm a sensei in that department.  Also, girls would continue their conversation with each other and close off their circle.  This candy peace offering might be the way to go.

Look, I realize many women would think what you are handing them is poisonous or some new form of rohypnol.  Like I said before I'm not going to leave for a night out and as I'm walking out the door say, "Oh hold up a sec, I forgot to bring the Rolos."  It is merely a move that seems like it could have a higher success rate than other forms of flirty engagement.  Perhaps girls reading this think it's bogus.  All I know is if a girl walked up to me and wanted to hand me a Fun Size pack of Skittles, we'd be on our third date by the following weekend.