Dating Habitats: The Workplace

I was thinking I might end the post with this, but maybe it's better at the top:  This analysis does not preclude anyone from banging.  Many people tend to awkwardly bang their coworkers in any environment.  This is to flesh out possibilities of dating someone from work.  Going out multiple times.  Banging multiple times until someone catches feelings and people start asking questions.  Developing an intimate rapport.  It is the feasibility of these things that we will be discussing.

I think it's best to categorize different types of work environments and go from there.  I'm sure I will skip over a few noteworthy professions.  My apologies.

White Collar/Corporate Office

My understanding of office environments is that it is really difficult to make something stick intraoffice.  I've worked at one for over six years and I just can't see how one is supposed to a) meet someone to date in the office, b) maintain a relationship while dating in the office, or c) do competent work while dating someone in the office.  I've never been a position where I've fallen for someone nor did I think it would be a good idea.  Obviously, when you start a job you can meet the people you are going to work with.  You meet some nice young professional blond and she's hot and awesome.  Say things happen and you wish to start become exclusive.  Over time, what happens:  You wake up, get dressed, get in the car, drive to work, eat lunch, turn off your computers, get in the car, and drive home.  Together.  Everyday.  Look, I'm all about spending time with your significant other.  At some point it's just too much, man.  You gotta have that separation.  My parents worked together for some years.  Look how they turned out.  I realize couples start businesses and own them together.  But that business is post-solid relationship.  They've already lasted.  They can handle some capital gains and losses.  Sometimes that goes to shit.  Look what happened with the Dodgers when the McCourts divorced.

You could always meet someone in another suite in your building, I guess.  But what if it goes sour?  Then you have to see them on the elevator everyday.  Yikes.  No one needs that awkwardness.  I'd rather be Marty McFly trying to steer clear of his mom.

There's always the secretary fantasy.  Of course there is.  That's okay, everybody has that.  Naughty America could keep you entertained for hours with that exact scenario.  Again, straight banging.  No one is trying to go home and cook each other dinner.

Blue Collar (Factory Worker, Construction, Waste Management, Etc.)

I know as much about blue collar work as a kitten does.  My guess is that it's not very date-friendly.  It's not like everyone is dressed to impress nor are they clean most of the time during work hours.  It's hard to woo when you can't put your best foot forward simply because you are earning an income.  Also, most of these positions (at least the one listed above) are generally male-dominated.  If you're into that sort of thing then great.  I'm not sure how many tales of enchanted love come from local garbage men.  Again, there's probably a lot of banging.  I know Eminem did it during his shift in 8 Mile.

Hospitality/Food and Beverage

We all know this is the scene where all the magic happens.  It seems like it's silently encouraged to hook up and go out with your coworkers.  I have many friends who have tended bar that are now committed to one another.  (Drinking problems bring people together!) It seems commonplace here more than anywhere else.  It usually starts with lots of alcohol and lots of banging.  Lots and lots of banging.  I worked at Dave & Buster's for a while.  Half of those people had banged each other, with none leftover for your boy.  The bartenders and the servers spend an awful lot of time together in a loose environment.  It's bound to happen.  Plus a lot of creepy restaurant/bar owners know they need to hire good-looking people so they can make money for the establishment.  Get all those good-looking people together and see what happens.  Stars align.  What have I been doing with my professional life?

Sports and Entertainment

Ok, these people don't care about relationships.  They can sleep with all the people they want over and over.  Tiger Woods.  Arnold Schwartzanegger.  Tom Brady.  George Clooney.  Need I go on?  Any actual famous marriages are sham.  Just watch.  They'll shrivel up soon.  Case in point:

FINAL ANALYSIS

So what have we learned?  Work is never going to be the ideal place to find a date.  You may find someone worth dating, but the actual dating is not a smart idea.  There's a lot of pressure to make that work.  If it doesn't work, you can't just up and quit...unless you can just go to another bar or something.  But a financial planner can't just get another financial planning job.  Jobs are not easy to come by.  You'd be forced to keep it.  Lord knows, I've been trying to get out for three years and I still can't.  Imagine if I was working with an ex.  They would have found me turning the paper cutter on myself.

I'm sure there are plenty of stories to contrary.  A lot of people will come back with some romantic tales of how they met while crunching numbers for the sales team.  Overall, it just does not seem like a high-probability operation.  Especially since I work with only two women my age and the rest of the employees are old, middle-aged, married, men, useless, or helpless...or all of the above.  You can see the dilemma.  No dipping the pen in the company ink.  Well, it's okay to dip.  Just don't sign off on anything.

These thoughtful, scientific posts are terrible to read, Dan.